What Makes Relationships Last

By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.on May 19, 2011

New research gives a fresh perspective on why some people are more committed to a relationship, how relationship longevity depends on mutual commitment, and how we learn to love.

A team of researchers from St. Olaf College, the University of Minnesota and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign analyzed data from the Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation (MLSRA) study, a 30-year review of individual development from birth to adulthood. Investigators then followed up with a lab experiment to learn about relationships.

In the research, scientists discovered the benefit of having a supportive, involved mother in toddlerhood and being able to work through conflict in adolescence. This specific type of background is predictive of an individual being a “strong link” in adult relationships. That is, the person with the bigger stake in the adult relationship.

However, if an individual did not have a caring mother during early childhood and did not have to work through conflict in adolescence, then chances are that person will be the “weak link” in adult relationships — that is, the one with one foot out the door.

Another major factor is having an equally committed partner for a lasting relationship.

Interestingly, it’s not the partners’ individual commitments that make the most difference for staying together through thick or thin. It’s how well their levels of commitment match up. In other words, individuals from similar backgrounds reflective of a “strong link” will be benevolent and tolerant when the going gets rough.

Similarly, two weak links may be lax about working things out, but their expectations are equally low so there’s less friction.

But when a weak link and a strong link pair up, the one with less investment has more influence. This makes for a less stable and predictable relationship.

In the laboratory part of the experiment, researchers recruited 78 MLSRA participants, 20 or 21 years old, and their heterosexual romantic partners.

A questionnaire assessing each participant’s level of commitment was analyzed alongside data from two earlier points in the longitudinal study. First, two-year-olds were observed doing a difficult task while their mothers looked on.

Did their mother laugh, help, or ignore the child? Second, at 16, the subjects recounted dealing with a conflict with a best friend, and were assessed for relational attitudes and skills.

This time, each couple discussed—and tried to resolve—the problem that caused them the most conflict. Then they talked about the things they agreed on most.

Their videotaped interactions were rated for the amount of hostility—coldness, rejection, and remorseless injury—and hopelessness about the relationship that each partner displayed, and how each tried to quell those in the other.

As expected, the couples with disparate commitments were the most hostile.

The study contributes to our understanding of how we learn to love well. When you’re a baby or a teenager, “you are learning to manage your own needs and those of the people you care about,” say the researchers.

“You learn: Can I come forward with a problem? What can I expect of the other person? And how can I do this in a way that everyone wins?”

Source: Association for Psychological Science

Related News Articles
-->Related Clinical Articles
-->

 

 

Featured, General, LifeHelper, Mental Health and Wellness, Professional, Psychology, Psychotherapy, Relationships and Sexuality, Research, Stress -->

« News Index

Sexuality & RelationshipsSexuality LibraryFrequently Asked Questions about SexualityAn Overview of Sex TherapyThe 10 Myths Behind MasturbationWhat is Sexual Addiction?  Relationships & Love LibraryChoosing Happiness in Our Lives10 Rules for Friendly Fighting for CouplesAn Exercise to Grow Your Relationsihp QuizzesHow Strong is Your Relationship?Romance Attachment QuizFeeling Connected? QuizDo I Have a Love, Lust or Loser Relationship?Sexual Addiction Screening TestDomestic Violence Screening Ask a QuestionAsk the TherapistAsk Others Other ResourcesRelationship ResourcesSexuality and Gender Resources Support GroupsRelationships & CommunicationSexuality and Gender Issues 
Latest ArticlesFuture Babble15 Insights on Improving Mother-Daughter RelationshipsCompetition Among Women: Myth and Reality10 Way to Build and Preserve Better BoundariesTurning Acquaintances Into FriendsTips for Keeping a Parent Emotionally Connected while Geographically Apart
 From Our News BureauCrossing Arms Confuses Brain But Relieves Hand Pain Dopamine Release Fuels Anxiety in Brains of Anorexics Family Mental Illness Stressful for Caregivers
Just Published...Am I a Defensive Pessimist?Mindful Loving5 Ways to Silence Your Inner CriticYour Brain, Mindful Presence and Five Practices to Energize...
What's HotAPA Mental Health Blog Party 2011 RoundupadvertisementMost Popular NewsCrossing Arms Confuses Brain But Relieves Hand Pain Dopamine Release Fuels Anxiety in Brains of Anorexics Family Mental Illness Stressful for Caregivers Project Aims to Gauge Preschool Autistic Programs Difficulty Processing Fear Tied to Risk of Psychopathy Digestive Irritation in Early Life Tied to Anxiety, Depression Genetic Mutations Linked to Autistic Spectrum Disorders Mother-Son Relationship Important for Emotional Growth Animal Research Pinpoints Memory Problems from Sleep Loss Most Popular Blog Posts5 Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic When the Rapture Doesn't Happen, How Will Harold Camping React? Am I a Defensive Pessimist? The Link Between Creativity and Eccentricity 6 Steps to Get Anyone (Yourself Included) to Do Anything Muzzling Doctors Who Ask Questions About Gun Safety How to Spot a Narcissist Friends with Benefits Best of Our Blogs: May 20, 2011 Psychiatric Solutions Hospitals Under Fire Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter

advertisement
Find a Therapist

Users Online: 3149
Join Us Now!
Local GuidesAll Guides
Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
DC
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming


  #footer { height:220px; } #foot-mid { margin:0 0 0 40px; } Home • About Us • Advertise with Us • Contact Us
Privacy Policy • Terms of Use • Site Map • Disclaimer/Disclosure • Feeds

Download the Psych Central Toolbar

Copyright © 1992-2011 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 22 May 2011

Psych Central Professional
Psych Central Answers
Psych Central Blog Network
Psych Central News
Tests & Quizzes
Sanity Score
Forums • NeuroTalk

ADHD
Anxiety
Bipolar
Depression
Schizophrenia
Psychotherapy

We comply
with the
HONcode
standard:
Verify here